Visar inlägg med etikett cancer. Visa alla inlägg
Visar inlägg med etikett cancer. Visa alla inlägg

onsdag 21 november 2018

Bile duct cancer, prognosis


Only eight weeks to go on my chemotherapy!

Last week I had a chat with my doctor regarding the risk of cancer popping up again after the treatment is completed. The doctor told us that he did not have the numbers readily available but would look into scientific articles and talk with colleagues and would come back.

And today he called back with his findings...

No exact numbers, evidently not a question asked when it comes to bile duct cancer..
What he was able to find was that the chances for this being a one time thing outweighs the risk of it returning. So that's positive, right? Better then 50-50 at least.
The fact that the tumor was found early and that it hadn't spread to any lymph nodes speak in my favor. Had it spread to the lymph nodes, the numbers would have been a lot darker.

I actually don't know what to do with this information. I guess it is human to want to know, but then being unable to do anything with the piece of knowledge.
But I guess this is as good as a prognosis can get... And there is always a risk of backfire, should keep that in mind as well.. Not worry about it but know that it is a possibility.

So I'll be focusing on one day at a time and do the things I want. Life is short and you never know what will happen.

Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best! If you find this post interesting, please leave a comment or share on social media, not required but appreciated!

tisdag 16 oktober 2018

Chemo therapy, fourth cycle of eight

Another cycle nears its end and when this one is done I will be halfway through my chemotherapy.


This cycle has had its ups and downs just like the ones before just in its own way this time.
Started out with getting really tired the first 4 days, couldn't go to work on Monday and Tuesday, but after that the it got a little better and I was able to do my 50% the rest of that week.

One thing that I've noticed is that if I push myself to train, even for 10 minutes with slow tempo, I don't have to go to bed in the afternoons. It just feels counter productive to put on the running shoes or change into cycling gear when my body screams for the bed. But it has been worth it each time, tired in another way afterwards and more awake. Tired in body, awake in head instead of just tired.
So, no big training sessions while in a chemo-cycle but at least I do something.



Other than the training and the positive effects from that I haven't had as many anxiety attacks this cycle. Had a big one though and actually ended up crying for twenty minutes with no control of it. The 'normal' anxiety attacks I usually get just pass by and brings up tears but seldom last for more then a minute or two. This one made me cry for real, for the first time since I got the cancer news in January. I guess its part of the process, things starting to hit home. Not trying to focus on these things, just note down in my treatment diary that I had an anxiety attack and move on to other things like coding, training or just read a book.

Another big thing I guess is that I've started reading other peoples stories on twitter. I don't think that I can cope reading a longer post at the moment, but scrolling down twitter tags has made me able to process things in a different light. From when I got the news in January I've said that I don't want to know more then what the doctors tell me, I haven't googled my disease and I've kind of blocked out most of the outside world on this subject and just focused on getting better. But now, 10 months later, I think that I'm ready to read up a little more. Not going to google my cancer form, but read up on how other people are coping with their journey.

I don't know how it is in the rest of the world, but here in Sweden, October has become the pink month. This means that the Swedish Cancer Society runs its breast cancer campaign and this includes a lot of companies doing cancer related advertisements. Hard to miss, and this year the campaign has really hit home and made me really emotional. Haven't really care during previous years but now, having a lot to thank cancer research for, I really wish everyone could donate money to cancer research instead of buying a cup of coffee. Or if you live in Sweden, just buy the ribbon!


So, almost halfway through the treatment. 

Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best! If you find this post interesting, please leave a comment or share on social media, not required but appreciated!

onsdag 8 augusti 2018

Chemo first cycle


First chemo cycle of eight completed.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

I honestly thought that it would be worse, biggest issues have been with tiredness and nausea. I got a prescription for medicine to help with the nausea but it made me all drowsy... Had to go sleep for an hour and then the rest of the day was in a haze.. so I'll need to ask my doctor if there is any other medicine that could work better.
I've tried to train daily, cycling swimming and weight lifting but some days were just too hot (hottest and dryest summer that I can remember). During the medication cycle training was really hard, i.e. my body was busy with other thing. But now during the pause week, I feel that I am faster on the bike and able to cycle longer distances. So the chemo meds makes things harder...
Today I left blood samples, tomorrow I'll go to the hospital to meet my nurse and receive the medicine for the next 2 week cycle. I will also discuss my sick leave, I really would like to start working again, but I am also a bit scared that I will not be able to complete a full day during a chemo cycle...
Time will tell what will happen, most important now is to get through all the cycles and beat this cancer...


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

lördag 21 juli 2018

Chemo day 1 and 2


So today I started chemo.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018


The plan is to eat 6 pills morning and 6 in the evening for 14 days and then resting for 7. For 8 cycles. So 3 weeks times 8 cycles, should be done some time in January 2019...


Medicine: Capecitabine Accord and Orion
Expected side effects: dry hands and feet, nausea and possibly a fked up stomach.
Possible but not expected side effects: extreme pain caused by my body not being able to break down the active component in the medicine.
Worst case: heart attack
So, the next 72 hours should weed out the extreme pain and heart attack... Wish me luck!
Side effects so far: dry lips....
Training: should do it, should help with the side effects as well.... My plan is to take a short cycle ride this evening, first one since the second surgery.. 8 weeks ago?

Day 2

So far so good, took a bike ride yesterday evening when it started to cool a little, we are having the hottest summer in forever here in Sweden. Short ride, just to get out on the road again. 
Felt really good, but my pulse was through the roof, red-zoning even though it was a 'relaxed' evening ride. But I guess that has to do with the fact that my blood values are still very low.. I had 150 in January before the first surgery, now I had 107.. Still better then directly after the surgery (94 one week after) but not even close to where I would like to be. But I guess it will get there with time.


So far no real side effects, so maybe I'm not in the worst case group : )


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

fredag 6 juli 2018

July update, 2018


Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Investing: Bank & Candy maker.. Both got a building block this month.

Cancer update: Second surgery turned out to be good. So no tumor left, the doctors will discuss if they'll put in chemo during next week. If so, then it will start ASAP, otherwise its done. So more information during the next week. But so far, knowing that they removed the tumors gives hope : )

The actual surgery wound in my chest has started to heal itself with record speed during the last 10 days meaning there is hope that it will be all healed during this month... I'll be home from work for another month and then try to start working again. Still no energy, evidently my blood value is still pretty low (101).
So far a good start for the month.


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

tisdag 5 juni 2018

June Update 2018

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

So another update. Noticed that I didn't post any 'My Current Plan' post for May, and I don't really have anything breaking for June.
Looking back I invested that the may building brick in the bank... And I did the same for June.

More important stuff then investing (that still needs to go on, but not the top priority in my head) is the cancer progress.

So, today it is 2 weeks and 1 day since I went into surgery for the second time this year. Hopefully they got the last part of the tumor this time... They were not 100% sure last time, hence the second surgery. I will not receive any news regarding that until the analysis is done in a couple of weeks.
In the meanwhile the cut is healing, a little worse complications on the actual cut compared to last time. Have 3 holes that do not want to heal, so been to the hospital once per day for a week. But the progress seems good as we will jump over tomorrow and see how it heals in 2 days without cleaning.

The second surgery was a bigger mental hit then the first one. One of the things that really got to me was that I was able to get physically fit again just in time for the surgery. That was the plan all the time, to train hard and be on top performance so that the rehabilitation time would be shorter. But still, it gets to me. 16 days ago I was able to cycle and climb hills and now I just sit here and watch TV again.. I must not use my abdominal muscles for another 6 weeks to prevent complications.
Another mental thing is that I cry... I did that last time also, but it seems like the fact that I do have cancer is starting to get to me. But pretty much anything can trigger the tears, just from watching TV, listening to the radio or reading a book or magazine. I will have to learn to accept that I am affected I guess. Cancer is a big deal and I don't think that the reality really has hit me yet. But each day is a struggle to not let the feelings get the upper hand. I do not want to become a wreck. Focus on the small things, each little walk outdoors, every line coded on my game. Try to keep the mind occupied and body at rest. : )

Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!



torsdag 24 maj 2018

Liver cancer, Post-op 2

Short update:
This time the surgery went well. Up on my feet the day after, no fever to speak of and fast recovery. I lost 4 liters of blood on the table, resupplied with 2 units of blood and some plasma.
Today, third day after they will remove the last few tubes and then I'll stay over the weekend for monitoring.
If the first time would have been like this, I wouldn't have been so nervous.
Hopefully this will keep up and that they got it all this time!

söndag 20 maj 2018

Cancer update,


Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Time flies. With all the red days in May it is now finally time for my second surgery tomorrow morning.
2 days ago we went to the hospital to do the pre-operation procedure and meet the anesthetist and doctors. Bit smaller operation this time, still removing 1/4 of the liver but this time it is a side-slice.
Physically back to normal, training load this week was 5 hours on the bike. Not as strong as in December, but the time in the saddle was back. Hopefully leading to a faster recovery from this surgery.
Been working 50% for 5 weeks, sleeping an hour in the afternoon as my mind is processing continuously. Can't stop thinking about doing this all again. Takes quite a toll on the mind. Tried to focus on other things, like cycling, the house and gaming. Played through Far Cry 5 as you guys who follow my YouTube channel probably have noticed. Also learned a new programming language called F# as you following my coding blog have seen.
So, travel to Gothenburg this evening and to the hospital in the early morning.
No Olympic games on the TV this time, but luckily Giro d'Italia.
Until next time: just do what makes you happy!

onsdag 21 mars 2018

6 weeks post-op, news time


Yesterday we went to visit the hospital in Gothenburg to get the results from the surgery and the plan forward for after-treatment.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Actually we ended up travelling already on Monday and shopping a bit in Gothenburg and eating a very nice dinner at HAK Restaurant at Scandic Europe.
So, yesterday. News time from the doctors about the cellular analysis of the bit that they carved out 6 weeks ago. We had prepared some questions about the 2 options that we were given beforehand (i.e. chemo or liver-transplant) but it ended up being the 3rd option that the doctors went by instead.

So, the tumor had started to spread. The tumor had been 2 cm long, and the extra margin of 2 cm on each side of it that the surgeon had taken might not be enough. He said that it is hard to say if they got it all or if there is still some part of it that made it outside the margin area (even though they burned all the cuts, there is a risk). So, probably end up with a new surgery in 6 weeks time. Not 100% decided yet, but the surgeon was on that line and so am I honestly, I don't want to 'lets chance that it is all gone'....
So basically they removed the V & VIII parts last time, but there is a risk that the tumor was spreading towards VI & VII ... so the plan is to remove them as well, leaving me with half a liver...

Eventually I would gain 80-85% liver capacity as the part that is left will grow in size to compensate.

Next step, another CT-scan of the liver, followed by another conference with the specialists where they decide the way forward. Followed by another pre-operation procedure, i.e. whole day meeting surgeons and anesthetist some day before the surgery.

So, what to expect... Being tired up to 3 months after the surgery.. Can't complete my own goal of riding TreBerg 180K cycle event... Have to reset my goal to be in best physical shape as possible in 6 weeks in preparation for the eventual operation. I.e. back on the training bike and walks etc. Pushing a little at a time.

Still not 100% back from the last operation, physically I think I am getting back, I can ride my bike on the trainer (lowest gears and really slow at the moment, but I am riding the bike) and able to take longer and faster walks. But the mind-f*ck of these backlashes is starting to take its toll. So home for another 2 weeks and then back to work 50% until the surgery, I don't think that I'd be able to focus at work for 8 hours straight at the moment. Gotten some tear attacks (i.e. when I get really sad for 10 seconds and tears in my eyes and then back to normal, from nothing special) again yesterday and today, first ones in 2 weeks so it shows that there was a blow on my unconscious part even though I actively try to focus on getting well.

Hospital will get me someone to talk to, other then my family. Might do some good. Never actually liked the idea but after this not going the way we thought it would and things are starting to get into my mind I think that it probably is a good thing.


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

tisdag 27 februari 2018

Liver cancer, surgery


3 weeks ago on Monday morning 0705 I went under the knife to get the tumor removed together with 1/4 of my liver (parts V & VIII in the picture above).

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

I received spinal anesthesia and went to sleep within minutes. At 1930 I was in post-op after a surrealistic bed-ride from the operations department and talked with my wife in the phone.
Really nice people at post-op. I was really dry in my mouth for the first 14 hours or so and tried to drink water but it did not help. During the night I woke up every 10 minutes with a dry mouth and begging for a swapped with cold water.
Next day I was to start moving, at first sitting at the bedside, but felt lightheaded and almost passed out. In the afternoon I needed to change bed so I was able to sit on the bedside, raise up and walk to a chair 2 meters away, wait  for the new bed and then walk to the new  bed before passing out. After the incident I received 2 units of blood and the dryness disappeared. Evidently I had lost 3 liters during the surgery!
I was moved to the liver ward in the evening. Feeling better. Able to walk on the spot with the help of 2 nurses. Progress!

Slept 3-4 hours at a time through the night. I hear my pulse in the right ear. Tired  and sweaty. Received medications and they did tests every x hours, have no clue how often.

Next day, able to walk to the chair. And breathe through the lung-expander worked well. Doctor said she was worried that I was still in bed most of the time. My parents visited in the afternoon. I got a CT scan to make sure that my pulmonary embolism wasn't back. It was not and surgery area looked fine as well. Sister visited in the evening, received 2 units of blood during the night.

Seated a lot during night but able to sleep.
Next day I was told to walk 160m every other hour that I am awake. So mission, lung-expander and walks, that is what I do. Parents visited again in the afternoon. Nice to have company. They redid the bandages on my stomach. Looked good.

A night from hell. Did not sleep well. Sweated all the time and nightmares, surrealistic. Not knowing if I was awake or dreaming. Thought it was the fever. Mentioned it to the nurses.

Friday, slow starter. All sweaty from eating a sandwich. Not supposed to drink more then 2 liters today. Another mission, no problems!  Had to sleep before noon.
Even more sweaty, unimaginably sweaty during lunch.
After lunch walked some loops, read magazine and watched Olympics start ceremony and after that I felt OK-ish again. Easy to sweat though. Sister gave me a Chromecast, did not work with the hospitals open network. Talked and walked the loops many times.

Surgery wounds after 8 days when I was sent home
During the weekend I received even more blood, total of 6 units all in all. And on Tuesday I was sent home as all the tests were moving in the right direction and I was not in any pain. Still, had a low fever but nothing to be alarmed over according the the doctors if it did not start to raise. Nothing unusual after a large liver surgery.

Home for some days, really uncomfortable. No place that was good to sit in, stairs in the house were really hard to climb and even the bed was too 'flat'. As I am not allowed to use my abdomen I have to use a special technique to get into and out of bed. Low fever continues. Also start to cry for no reason, I guess all energy reserves are used up by now. I.e. I watched hockey on the TV and all of a sudden I was crying.

Thursday, fever starts to peak in the afternoon... And in the evening I call the hospital. But no need for alarm, as long as you do not get fever chills it should be OK, but call your contact nurse in the morning.
In the morning I went to the local health center to change the bandages and the were nice to take a CRP test that I could tell my contact nurse. Evidently the CRP is usually elevated after a surgery and they were not able to tell if it was good or bad. But my contact nurse was able to, and she told me that the value had doubled since they sent me home. So pack the go-bag again and head for the hospital.

During the Friday evening I crashed, fever of 39C and CRP of 185 before the antibiotics kicked in. Another CT scan to see what was going on. Evidently there was some liquid where my gallbladder used to be (I was unaware that they had removed it as well, they had told me but it jut did not register I guess).
So, new plan. Tuesday morning they will puncture and analyse the liquid. Fun! Now I start to get nervous for the first time.

Watched a lot of Olympics at the hospital, the antibiotics kicked in fast and from Saturday lunch I was walking and talking again and able to spend more time in the TV room then in bed. 
On Tuesday morning when they did the ultrasound (as a guide for the needle) the doctor just stated that she was 99% sure that the liquid was just blood. Second doctor was called in and she said the same thing. So no needle through the liver to puncture it.
During the day I received no further information, when the night nurses arrived they told me that the had called off the whole procedure and would probably send me home in the morning.
They did, but with 2 different antibiotic this time.
Surgical wounds after 16 days, when I was sent home the second time.
And this time it was nice to get home, no fever, able to sit better, easier to get out of bed. Pretty much everything work so much better.

On Friday I was able to go to a comedy show with my wife, we bought tickets in May last year... So really nice to actually be able to go and see Johan Glans even though i was holding back my laughter as evidently it hurts to laugh. It also hurts to sneeze and cough. But oh well, I guess that will get better over time as well.

In 2 weeks I will get the verdict of the analysis of the tumor and the game plan forward. Until then I will just be at home and take walks outside and try to slowly push my body forward. 


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

fredag 2 februari 2018

Third week with liver cancer


The test results show that I am not an alcoholic.
Well that is good to know!
Day by day summary of the third week after I got to know that I have a cancer in my liver.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Saturday
Ordinary Saturday. Grocery shopping with wife... Installed new pet door that I also wrote an first impressions article about.
No training: Rest day

Sunday:
Another day at home. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Traning: 1 hour 30 minutes incrementing resistance on the trainer

Monday
Work work. Starting to feel like I want to know the actual date for the surgery now to be able to plan. Living with 'things will happen in the near future' for the third week is starting to become a bit hard on the psyche.
Training: 42 minutes threshold on trainer

Tuesday
Got the call, next Monday morning at 0600 I will enter the hospital in Gothenburg and go into surgery! Hotel from Sunday to Monday and a taxi in the morning is booked.
Training: 5K fast paced walk

Wednesday
Sneezed some times and got really tired so decided to go home at lunch to rest instead of getting sick now. Hopefully this is just a scare as I do not know if they will do the surgery on Monday if I got the cold. Have no idea.
Slept the afternoon and took it easy during the evening, totally beat.. Think my body is telling me to stop.
Training: No training


Tuesday
Home. Went for a walk. Nothing much else, just taking it easy and reading book on F#. Not that worried about the Monday surgery, more worried that I will catch something and it gets re-booked to a later date.
Training: 4K medium paced walk

Friday
The countdown has started. No more Xarelto until after the surgery. Instead I'll take Fragmin shots for 3 evenings.
So... 3 days to go... Trying to not think about it. Stayed home today as well. Don't want to risk catching anything at work as pretty much every other person is coughing...
Training: 4K walk and some strength training




Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

fredag 26 januari 2018

Second week - tumor in my liver

The test results show that I am not an alcoholic.
Well that is good to know!
Day by day summary of the second week after I got to know that I have a tumor in my liver. This week had high highs and low lows.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Saturday:
Shopping groceries for my wife's birthday dinner on Sunday. Have started to feel stuff, mostly ignoring it but it is there. Ordinary day for the most part.
42 minutes on trainer, mid tempo

Sunday:
Families visiting, lots of fun and lots of food as always! People are worried but will not show it in front of the kids.
42 minutes on trainer, treshold

Monday:
I call my hospital to tell them that yes, I do feel something so that they have that as input to the decision meeting later in the day. I am told by the nurse that the last results from blood samples are in and that they show no signs of over consumption of alcohol. So not an alcoholic!
I leave work early and sit on my trainer for an hour before the doctor calls and tells me:
Blood samples show no sign of tumor but the different x-rays show that it is cancer. They will cut it out, a doctor from Gothenburg will call Monday or Tuesday to give more info. I should be in Gothenburg on Thursday at 10 am. Not a consultation.
Discuss with wife and write down a lot of questions.
Organize house and cat sitters etc. Inform family that it will be surgery.
42 minutes on trainer, low intensity


Tuesday:
Going to work. Waiting for the call, hard to concentrate. Tell my boss at lunch. Tell my team etc. Faith in the Swedish system, it can act fast!
No call after second afternoon meeting so I decide to call hospital in Gothenburg myself. After 10 minutes of detective work to find the correct department I finally get connected to the liver surgery and their response is:
No, we can't find any booking for surgery. A booking for consultation only on Thursday at 10 am. Didn't you get the reservation by mail?
I'm like, eh no? I got a call 24 hours ago telling me that there would be surgery.
Oh, no your doctor should know that there is a process where we will book you for a full day in Gothenburg in preparation 2 weeks before a surgery when you can meet the team etc. 
At this point I am pretty upset, need to tell my boss that I have been misinformed and that I will continue to work as normal but need a day off on Thursday instead. Same information to the team. Call wife (who has take 2 days off to be with me during surgery) so that she can tell her boss that there has been a fkup as well. No one is in their best mood at this moment.
Need to decide if I should call my own doctor or not in the morning and ask her if I misunderstood things or what went wrong with the call on Monday.

Get home from work, and a letter has arrived from hospital in Gothenburg. Booked for a consultation. And a lot of paperwork to fill in.

I sure hope that it is not 10 minute consultation. As it is 2 hour drive one way. But I guess we will see on Thursday.

Faith in the Swedish system, not there at the moment.....

Wednesday
Ah, screw it. Everybody makes mistakes, not to mention during handover from one instance to another. Not going to pursue this. I want to focus on getting well, not angry. Looking forward to Sahlgrenska tomorrow. I want to get a time plan now so that I know.
45 minutes on trainer. Intervals, intensive.


Thursday
Cancer.. First time a doctor actually named it...
So, not only a consultation in Gothenburg. Turned out that it would be the preparation day. We met the surgeon, contact nurse, anesthetist, physiotherapist and run some extra tests.
Surgeon: It is cancer, we will cut out 1/4th of the liver containing the tumor and send it for analysis. Continue training and eating as normally until the operation. 4 weeks after the operation, analysis should be completed as well as you should have healed enough for decision if we need to put in chemo or antitumor medication depending on where the tumor originates. If it is from liver cells it will be antitumor medication, if it is from the bile ducts we will put in chemo. At some point you will need a liver transplantation. 3 days before the operation, you will stop with Xarelto and take fragmin syringes instead.

Anesthetist: You will receive a pill to calm your nerves the day before. When you arrive in the morning we will put in spinal anesthesia that you will get for 2-3 days. If you are nervous at any point in the process, just tell us and we will give you some more stuff to calm you. 

Physiotherapist: Once the operation is done we will get you up on your feet the day after and make you walk on the spot to prevent blood clot. The next day you will walk in the corridor and the day after we will take some stairs. There is a 24/7 gym room in the hospital unit to get you moving. If at any point you feel pain, it is better to tell us and we will give you some pain-relief so that you are able to move. Movement is important. 
We will also make you breath through a mask 3x10 times every 2 hours for the first 5 days to try to prevent pneumonia.

Contact nurse: Write down questions, and do not hesitate to call me. Make sure you call on Monday to get hold of the surgery coordinator who can organize hotel etc for the night before surgery and your wife during your stay. You will undergo a short fasting period before the operation meaning that you can eat normally until midnight the night before. During the evening you need to drink two protein drinks and in the morning before you arrive you need to drink a third protein drink. Also you need to use these special sponges when showering the night before and in the morning to make sure that bacteria is killed.

Received a go-bag containing all things that I need before surgery: Fragmin syringes, protein drinks and sponges.

If it wouldn't have been for me eating Xarelto, they would have done the surgery tomorrow, Friday. But damn, this will happen within 10 days maybe 11!
Overall impression: impressed. Damn, I have no worries. Wife is a little bit more worried now but I still feel calm.
No training today.

Friday
Back to work. Normal day, a lot of questions from coworkers in the morning but otherwise quite ordinary.
Bought new wireless headphones (SONY XB950BT EXTRA BASS™ Wireless) so that I can focus on music and watch Netflix during the hospital stay, you know ignore that I am at a hospital.
1 hour 40 minutes low intensive trainer.




Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

fredag 19 januari 2018

First week - tumor in my liver

One week ago I learned that I had a tumor in my liver and that I would need to go through some kind of treatment. This is an update and hopefully I will continue with them as this progresses.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Tuesday:
Met with lawyer to start talking last will together with my wife. A lot of questions that we didn't think of so back to drawing table. At least we are married now so that we inherit each other, but the question is what happens when we are both gone. But yeah, no hurry as the critical part is done by marriage.
Trying to keep occupied, at work I've delegated all work to team so now I am just actively trying to minimize my own role is every assignment I am in.. Works good as that is pretty much my work philosophy normally.
Visited mom and dad and talked for some hours before evening class, they are worried but don't want to show it.
Driving home from evening class and I shed the first tears all of a sudden. And snapped directly out of it. Think it will hit me when I hear the decision on what they are going to do, until then I will try to focus on other things. Training pretty much each day now.

Wednesday:
Got a call from my doctor. They had to reschedule the decision meeting for Monday as there was no way to get the analysis done for Thursday. The results from blood samples were back, no signs there so it is not doing bad stuff? Still up for the CT scan tomorrow morning.
Did 50 minutes interval training on my trainer (road cycle on a stand). Ordered some books to read in case I end up at hospital. The normal stuff.
Somewhere my mind is calming down a little now, there was a lot of stress towards Thursday and the Decision that would be communicated. But now that they rescheduled it for Monday, I feel quite empty.

Thursday
CT Scan, had to get up a little bit earlier then usually to drink 1 liter of water during 2 hours before the scan. The actual scan took 15 minutes and after that I headed for work.
Nothing much, some colleagues asked about what is going on, genuinely wanted to know. Was nice, they had googled liver cancer.. I haven't and will try not to.. I don't want to know, better to not know until I have to as all I can do is to trust that the doctors know what they do. If I'd google I would just start worrying, there will be enough time for that in the coming weeks. No need to think just yet.
After work, 30 minutes on trainer and now empty. Don't want to play, read, watch TV or anything special. Just want to know the next step.

Friday
Hmm. Wondering if my head is playing tricks or if I am feeling this thing. Nothing that I would have noticed if I didn't know.
Sore on my left side, bit like fourth day after getting punched or after lots of situps.. Strange... Didn't feel good to lift weights today. Constant reminder... 70 min slow on trainer to clear my mind. Another weekend to pass the time until I get to know the next step. Opened reddit and there were 5 posts on cancer and organ transplantation. I really do not want to read about it... Better to not know.
Evening spent surfing aimlessly. Lots of imgur and pinterest. Another day tomorrow : )


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

måndag 15 januari 2018

Day 4 - Tumor in my liver


No picture as a header, don't want to take the time to find one. Just a quick summary of last few days...

Update Wednesday: Added header picture, looked so odd without one.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Friday:
I sent my wife to work, better for her to continue her routine as long as possible. My sister came over to keep me company, a good thing I guess given the circumstances. Had a long talk about pretty much whatever. Also called my mother to tell her that I was sick, again.... She took it good, my family has overcome a lot of things and this is just another of those things.. Of course they are worried but they know that it is not the end.

Saturday:
Got up early, couldn't sleep. Trainer for an hour, low intensity just to clear my mind.
We went to my mother in law, just wandering in the snowy woods and taking a day off. Her family are a little bit more outgoing with their worry. They have taken this hard.

Sunday:
Spa day, just me and the wife.... Evening spent with filling in 'the white archive' (vita arkivet in Swedish). A page where you write down how you want to be buried.

Monday:
Told my boss, the team, the extended team and our next door neighbors.
Booked time with lawyer for Tuesday for consultation regarding last will. You know, if shit hits the fan.. Not that it will, but it is always good to have your business in order and not leave a mess..
Went for a 2K run during lunch.


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

lördag 13 januari 2018

Another reminder of mortality


Fuuuuuuuudge!
This Thursday I received a call from my doctor that she wanted to meet me on Friday as they had found something in a MRI scan from December. Never good when your doctor asks you to drive to another city to meet her instead of waiting 2 weeks for when she is back in town.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Friday
I have a tumor on my liver. 15mm..... They do not know much more.
So last year pulmonary embolism, this year cancer.. yay...
They took 16 blood samples with all markers for pretty much everything.
Next Thursday I will do another MRI to get the facts and then later that day they will decide what to do.
Options that I have been told about:

  • They could cut it out as it is a little bit on the side of the liver
  • Chemotherapy
  • They cut it out + Chemotherapy
  • I get a liver transplant

So I have a couple of days to get my affairs in order. As on Thursday hell will break loose.

I have promised myself that I will keep my eyes on the 180K Gran Fondo in July. Have no clue if I will make it but I have to focus on something. So the plan is.. I have no plan, I just focus on that race just to have something to focus on. Realistic? Probably not...
My wife and everyone around me are in shock, for me reality kicked in when the doctor said Chemo but I am currently in a practical mode.

Still calm, plan for coming week:

  • started updating my will,
  • need to book meeting with legal advisor on Monday,
  • fix stuff at work and prepare other people for strategic assignments that I am currently handling, 
  • meet family
  • plan 'white archive', i.e. plan my own funeral.. not fun but has to be done in case shit hits the fan (still referring to this as normal?... Hehe, the mind is adaptive and it can always get worse... this time it will)

Sooo, I will try to post more on the progress here. Still not feeling sorry for myself, just a bit.. aaaa not again..


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

Featured Post

Cancer and Chemotherapy

I thought that I'd cross-post this here for information.  The full post is available here . They found something blocking my bile d...