tisdag 16 oktober 2018

Chemo therapy, fourth cycle of eight

Another cycle nears its end and when this one is done I will be halfway through my chemotherapy.

This cycle has had its ups and downs just like the ones before just in its own way this time.
Started out with getting really tired the first 4 days, couldn't go to work on Monday and Tuesday, but after that the it got a little better and I was able to do my 50% the rest of that week.

One thing that I've noticed is that if I push myself to train, even for 10 minutes with slow tempo, I don't have to go to bed in the afternoons. It just feels counter productive to put on the running shoes or change into cycling gear when my body screams for the bed. But it has been worth it each time, tired in another way afterwards and more awake. Tired in body, awake in head instead of just tired.
So, no big training sessions while in a chemo-cycle but at least I do something.

Other than the training and the positive effects from that I haven't had as many anxiety attacks this cycle. Had a big one though and actually ended up crying for twenty minutes with no control of it. The 'normal' anxiety attacks I usually get just pass by and brings up tears but seldom last for more then a minute or two. This one made me cry for real, for the first time since I got the cancer news in January. I guess its part of the process, things starting to hit home. Not trying to focus on these things, just note down in my treatment diary that I had an anxiety attack and move on to other things like coding, training or just read a book.

Another big thing I guess is that I've started reading other peoples stories on twitter. I don't think that I can cope reading a longer post at the moment, but scrolling down twitter tags has made me able to process things in a different light. From when I got the news in January I've said that I don't want to know more then what the doctors tell me, I haven't googled my disease and I've kind of blocked out most of the outside world on this subject and just focused on getting better. But now, 10 months later, I think that I'm ready to read up a little more. Not going to google my cancer form, but read up on how other people are coping with their journey.

I don't know how it is in the rest of the world, but here in Sweden, October has become the pink month. This means that the Swedish Cancer Society runs its breast cancer campaign and this includes a lot of companies doing cancer related advertisements. Hard to miss, and this year the campaign has really hit home and made me really emotional. Haven't really care during previous years but now, having a lot to thank cancer research for, I really wish everyone could donate money to cancer research instead of buying a cup of coffee. Or if you live in Sweden, just buy the ribbon!

So, almost halfway through the treatment. 

Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best! If you find this post interesting, please leave a comment or share on social media, not required but appreciated!

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