fredag 19 januari 2018

First week - tumor in my liver

One week ago I learned that I had a tumor in my liver and that I would need to go through some kind of treatment. This is an update and hopefully I will continue with them as this progresses.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver

Tuesday:
Met with lawyer to start talking last will together with my wife. A lot of questions that we didn't think of so back to drawing table. At least we are married now so that we inherit each other, but the question is what happens when we are both gone. But yeah, no hurry as the critical part is done by marriage.
Trying to keep occupied, at work I've delegated all work to team so now I am just actively trying to minimize my own role is every assignment I am in.. Works good as that is pretty much my work philosophy normally.
Visited mom and dad and talked for some hours before evening class, they are worried but don't want to show it.
Driving home from evening class and I shed the first tears all of a sudden. And snapped directly out of it. Think it will hit me when I hear the decision on what they are going to do, until then I will try to focus on other things. Training pretty much each day now.

Wednesday:
Got a call from my doctor. They had to reschedule the decision meeting for Monday as there was no way to get the analysis done for Thursday. The results from blood samples were back, no signs there so it is not doing bad stuff? Still up for the CT scan tomorrow morning.
Did 50 minutes interval training on my trainer (road cycle on a stand). Ordered some books to read in case I end up at hospital. The normal stuff.
Somewhere my mind is calming down a little now, there was a lot of stress towards Thursday and the Decision that would be communicated. But now that they rescheduled it for Monday, I feel quite empty.

Thursday
CT Scan, had to get up a little bit earlier then usually to drink 1 liter of water during 2 hours before the scan. The actual scan took 15 minutes and after that I headed for work.
Nothing much, some colleagues asked about what is going on, genuinely wanted to know. Was nice, they had googled liver cancer.. I haven't and will try not to.. I don't want to know, better to not know until I have to as all I can do is to trust that the doctors know what they do. If I'd google I would just start worrying, there will be enough time for that in the coming weeks. No need to think just yet.
After work, 30 minutes on trainer and now empty. Don't want to play, read, watch TV or anything special. Just want to know the next step.

Friday
Hmm. Wondering if my head is playing tricks or if I am feeling this thing. Nothing that I would have noticed if I didn't know.
Sore on my left side, bit like fourth day after getting punched or after lots of situps.. Strange... Didn't feel good to lift weights today. Constant reminder... 70 min slow on trainer to clear my mind. Another weekend to pass the time until I get to know the next step. Opened reddit and there were 5 posts on cancer and organ transplantation. I really do not want to read about it... Better to not know.
Evening spent surfing aimlessly. Lots of imgur and pinterest. Another day tomorrow : )


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

måndag 15 januari 2018

Day 4 - Tumor in my liver


No picture as a header, don't want to take the time to find one. Just a quick summary of last few days...

Update Wednesday: Added header picture, looked so odd without one.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver

Friday:
I sent my wife to work, better for her to continue her routine as long as possible. My sister came over to keep me company, a good thing I guess given the circumstances. Had a long talk about pretty much whatever. Also called my mother to tell her that I was sick, again.... She took it good, my family has overcome a lot of things and this is just another of those things.. Of course they are worried but they know that it is not the end.

Saturday:
Got up early, couldn't sleep. Trainer for an hour, low intensity just to clear my mind.
We went to my mother in law, just wandering in the snowy woods and taking a day off. Her family are a little bit more outgoing with their worry. They have taken this hard.

Sunday:
Spa day, just me and the wife.... Evening spent with filling in 'the white archive' (vita arkivet in Swedish). A page where you write down how you want to be buried.

Monday:
Told my boss, the team, the extended team and our next door neighbors.
Booked time with lawyer for Tuesday for consultation regarding last will. You know, if shit hits the fan.. Not that it will, but it is always good to have your business in order and not leave a mess..
Went for a 2K run during lunch.


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

lördag 13 januari 2018

Another reminder of mortality


Fuuuuuuuudge!
This Thursday I received a call from my doctor that she wanted to meet me on Friday as they had found something in a MRI scan from December. Never good when your doctor asks you to drive to another city to meet her instead of waiting 2 weeks for when she is back in town.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver

Friday
I have a tumor on my liver. 15mm..... They do not know much more.
So last year pulmonary embolism, this year cancer.. yay...
They took 16 blood samples with all markers for pretty much everything.
Next Thursday I will do another MRI to get the facts and then later that day they will decide what to do.
Options that I have been told about:

  • They could cut it out as it is a little bit on the side of the liver
  • Chemotherapy
  • They cut it out + Chemotherapy
  • I get a liver transplant

So I have a couple of days to get my affairs in order. As on Thursday hell will break loose.

I have promised myself that I will keep my eyes on the 180K Gran Fondo in July. Have no clue if I will make it but I have to focus on something. So the plan is.. I have no plan, I just focus on that race just to have something to focus on. Realistic? Probably not...
My wife and everyone around me are in shock, for me reality kicked in when the doctor said Chemo but I am currently in a practical mode.

Still calm, plan for coming week:

  • started updating my will,
  • need to book meeting with legal advisor on Monday,
  • fix stuff at work and prepare other people for strategic assignments that I am currently handling, 
  • meet family
  • plan 'white archive', i.e. plan my own funeral.. not fun but has to be done in case shit hits the fan (still referring to this as normal?... Hehe, the mind is adaptive and it can always get worse... this time it will)

Sooo, I will try to post more on the progress here. Still not feeling sorry for myself, just a bit.. aaaa not again..


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!