fredag 19 januari 2018

First week - tumor in my liver

One week ago I learned that I had a tumor in my liver and that I would need to go through some kind of treatment. This is an update and hopefully I will continue with them as this progresses.

Part of a series:
Another reminder of mortality
Day 4 - Tumor in my liver
First week - tumor in my liver
Second week - tumor in my liver
Third week with liver cancer
Liver cancer, surgery
6 weeks post-op, news time
Cancer update
Liver cancer, Post-op 2
June Update 2018

Tuesday:
Met with lawyer to start talking last will together with my wife. A lot of questions that we didn't think of so back to drawing table. At least we are married now so that we inherit each other, but the question is what happens when we are both gone. But yeah, no hurry as the critical part is done by marriage.
Trying to keep occupied, at work I've delegated all work to team so now I am just actively trying to minimize my own role is every assignment I am in.. Works good as that is pretty much my work philosophy normally.
Visited mom and dad and talked for some hours before evening class, they are worried but don't want to show it.
Driving home from evening class and I shed the first tears all of a sudden. And snapped directly out of it. Think it will hit me when I hear the decision on what they are going to do, until then I will try to focus on other things. Training pretty much each day now.

Wednesday:
Got a call from my doctor. They had to reschedule the decision meeting for Monday as there was no way to get the analysis done for Thursday. The results from blood samples were back, no signs there so it is not doing bad stuff? Still up for the CT scan tomorrow morning.
Did 50 minutes interval training on my trainer (road cycle on a stand). Ordered some books to read in case I end up at hospital. The normal stuff.
Somewhere my mind is calming down a little now, there was a lot of stress towards Thursday and the Decision that would be communicated. But now that they rescheduled it for Monday, I feel quite empty.

Thursday
CT Scan, had to get up a little bit earlier then usually to drink 1 liter of water during 2 hours before the scan. The actual scan took 15 minutes and after that I headed for work.
Nothing much, some colleagues asked about what is going on, genuinely wanted to know. Was nice, they had googled liver cancer.. I haven't and will try not to.. I don't want to know, better to not know until I have to as all I can do is to trust that the doctors know what they do. If I'd google I would just start worrying, there will be enough time for that in the coming weeks. No need to think just yet.
After work, 30 minutes on trainer and now empty. Don't want to play, read, watch TV or anything special. Just want to know the next step.

Friday
Hmm. Wondering if my head is playing tricks or if I am feeling this thing. Nothing that I would have noticed if I didn't know.
Sore on my left side, bit like fourth day after getting punched or after lots of situps.. Strange... Didn't feel good to lift weights today. Constant reminder... 70 min slow on trainer to clear my mind. Another weekend to pass the time until I get to know the next step. Opened reddit and there were 5 posts on cancer and organ transplantation. I really do not want to read about it... Better to not know.
Evening spent surfing aimlessly. Lots of imgur and pinterest. Another day tomorrow : )


Why I am writing this? Not to feel sorry for myself, but as a way to handle the situation and hopefully someone else out there in a similar situation can find this helpful as well. The human body is strong and hopefully I'll come out of this stronger as well. Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

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